Trying Day #1

I am taking a detour from the motorcycle-specific topic and this post will be more about the metaphorical motorcycle journey of life.  I have titled it "Trying Day #1" because I KNOW I will have more trying days.  I'm lazy and know that I won't want to come up with new titles for each one, so I will just number them.  You can laugh at me if you want to.

So, this is a post where I am sharing some experiences that caused me to do some self-analysis and reflection.  I have no answers, and I am still on that journey to understand many things. I am certainly open to feedback and this is as much a post about me searching for feedback and others' thoughts as it is me just sharing my experiences "just to share".  Here goes...

Two things happened yesterday that caused me to feel a bit of anger, question myself and my actions, and open my eyes to how other individuals operate.  The first one was a simple post on Facebook.  In one of the groups I belong to, the owner of the group posted some words of wisdom that compared eagles and pigeons.  I posted a comment that said, "What's wrong with pigeons?  They are very sweet birds ;-)"  The wink was meant to show that I was joking, as well as that I know what most people think of pigeons.  The owner "got it", but a couple people decided to post their comments about how messy pigeons are and how they "make a mess on everything".  This was all said as if pigeons KNOW what is important to us humans and they purposely aim for those things or us specifically.  I really didn't want to hijack the thread, but I felt a need to bring some understanding to anyone who might read.  I let them know that it is a scientific fact that pigeons are one of the smartest creatures on earth because they have adapted and learned to live in our civilization.  That, if eagles were as smart as pigeons, they would also be complaining about how messy eagles are.  Are eagles almost extinct because they are so smart and adaptable?  I think not.

The owner of the group also posted a comment saying that "Eagles fly high, aren't afraid to fly solo and will defend the heights where they dwell. Pigeons get scraps, they move with the crowd and mumble to each other amid the rooftops."  This really annoyed me because who is he or any or us to say that any of those qualities are better or worse than the other?  I responded but now looking back at the topic, he deleted my response, which annoys me even more.  My response was explaining that none of those qualities he mentioned meant either creature was better or worse than the other, and that they each have their purpose.  In another comment, I explained that "I just don't like it when I see people judging people or creatures or situations that they really don't know anything about, or only have a surface knowledge of. I started out, just making a light comment, and when I saw judgement, I wanted to stand up for the poor misunderstood pigeon."  This has helped me see that, while I may see all people and creatures as "one" and each having their own place and purpose, most do not have this same understanding.  MOST DO NOT.  This opened my eyes to the fact that while many of my friends are very open-minded and accepting, MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT.  Most have their preconceived notions of what is good and bad, what is clean and dirty, right and wrong, convenient and inconvenient for THEM.  What MOST fail to recognize in these situations is that we, the humans, are the problem in the first place. If we had remained native and remained living within the means of the land instead of destroying everything for someone's personal gain or convenience, most of the problems we complain about would not exist.  I gained an even higher level of understanding for what is wrong with this world and it saddens me to know that people have these judgements and feel the way they do about the creatures of this world, as well as other humans.  I thought about removing myself from the group, but I know that if I don't see the comments, it doesn't mean they don't exist.  So, I'm staying and I hope that as time goes on and these things come up, I can interject my comments and opinions.  And perhaps at some point, I will be able to open up one person's heart and soul to other possibilities besides their own narrow belief system.  

I had no sooner finished this interaction when I stopped at an acquaintance's house to drop off something as a favor.  This is someone who I see at various events, but I have always kept at arm's length because he talks way too much and way too fast and goes from topic to topic without ever having a conversation.  He is one of those people who talks just to hear himself talk.  So... when we interact, I patiently listen and nod and say "Mmmmmm" or "Hmmmmmm" where appropriate.  There was one time where I was proactive and let him know that I was very busy and it had to be a quick drive by and he only talked for 15 minutes instead of the usual half hour or longer.  Yesterday, I was really in a hurry and had alot to do, but I didn't say anything ahead of time.  When I got to his house, I told him, "I'm very busy, I need to hit a couple stores, get to the gym..." and as I started listing things out, so he could understand I needed to make it quick, he put his hand up and said, "Oh, I don't want to hear it."  He then went on talking about something.  He actually asked me a couple questions as well, but was satisfied with one-word answers.  The first time I tried to elaborate on an answer, he interrupted me after I got through a couple sentences and said, "Karen, you're boring me." and then he went on to talk about whatever he wanted to talk about.  The next time he asked me something and I gave him some type of explanation, he said "Karen, you talk way too fast, you're not allowed to talk faster than me."  For those who know me, you know I don't talk fast at all.  But it was his way to get me to shut up so he could start talking about whatever he wanted to again.  The third time this happened, I thought he said, "You talk too much."  I really could not believe my ears, so since he had already gone onto his next topic of conversation I talked over him and said, "What did you say?"  He said, very clearly this time, "I said you talk too much."  He again went on without pausing for any commentary.  

At that point, I just had it.  I talked over him again, and I asked him if he did drugs or something because the way he was blurting these things out, I thought that either he was on speed or had turrets.  He said no.  So then I said, "Well, then you are right, I talk WAY too much for you, and YOU talk WAY too much for my liking, so it's time for me to leave."  I just turned and walked away and he started telling me about some event coming up, and when I kept walking he said, "Oh, and to answer your question, no I don't do drugs... see ya!"  I didn't even turn around, I just yelled "Bye."  Afterwards he texted me about seeing helicopters near where I was going and wanting to know if I was okay.  There were no helicopters anywhere near the area, so I replied that I hadn't seen anything.  Then I asked him to please in the future to keep our conversations short and let me be on my way.  I also explained that I thought he was very rude and that I didn't have the time to deal with that rude behavior from him.  His initial response was fine, he said "Got it."  I thought we were done.  Then, came the text, telling me he was only joking and blaming ME for not asking him if he was serious, and not asking for clarification.  He also said I was rude for just walking away.  I know this would have been better handled through a phone call or in person, but based on my experiences with this person, I knew if I tried to talk, I would not be heard, so I kept the interaction in text.  I texted back to him admitting that yes, I was rude to him... ONCE when I walked away... and I apologized for my rudeness (Not once did he apologize for his behavior).  I explained to him that my one rude action was in response to his rudeness to me... THREE times within 10 minutes... and that I am not in high school, don't play games, don't want to change him or understand him.  If a person treats me appropriately, I'm there, if they are rude to me or treat me badly, I walk away, no drama.  I accept everyone as they are, but that does not mean that I need to be friends with everyone.  Acceptance means I don't try to change them, I just decide if I want to be around them or not.  So then, came the victim trip of how I never liked him to begin with and he wishes I never talked to him, never offered to do anything for him, etc. and I just left it at that... no response.

This type of experience happens to me every now and then in my life, and it truly boggles my mind each time it happens.  I may see the person in question once or twice a month, so the statement of "you never liked me" and similar comments seem irrelevant.  We never saw each other enough to develop anything more than being acquaintances.  Of course I "like" everyone to a certain degree or in different ways, or else I wouldn't interact with them all.  But, I think what happens more often than not in these situations is that I start looking at myself and questioning what I could have or should have done differently.  Should I have decided up front to not interact with this person because he talks way too much, and I like to have conversations with people?  I think the answer to that is "no", because if I judge and make a decision based on that up front, it could limit my life experience and exposure to someone who might have some interesting things to show me or things I could show them.  Then, I think perhaps somewhere along the line, I should have had a private, gentle conversation with him, letting him know that he talks to much for my liking, and when he's in my presence, could he chill out a little.  But, then again, that does not seem like the right answer, as it is not my desire to control or change another person.  If they are happy the way they are, doing what they do, it would be very arrogant of me to expect another to modify their behavior for me.  So, that leads me to the conclusion that actually happened... just live and let live... let others be who they are, and as long as they are not rude or insulting or disrupt my sense of "right", then just be tolerant of who they are and what they have to say.  However, when a person who is just an acquaintance treats me rudely or is inconsiderate, and does so repeatedly, then it is acceptable to decide to walk away at that time, and explain my reasons when time and circumstances permit.  It is then up to the other person to understand or not understand, and then decide if they want to continue any sort of interaction with me, with a new understanding of what that means.

Do these types of situations happen to any of you readers out there?  How do you handle them?  Do you have any suggestions for how I could have handled these things differently that might have produced a different outcome?  I am open to suggestions and trying to modify my behavior in the future.  Since some of these things happen to me fairly regularly, I can't help but think there must be something I should or can learn from them... so teach me!!  :-)  I know I don't have as much tolerance as some people and I would make a terrible politician, but I DO think there must be some things that I can do to have more successful interactions with people that are "on the fringe" of my social circle... thank you in advance for any input provided.