Keith and I spent weekends together as much as possible, and for Valentine's Day 1999 he came down to Vancouver and we went skiing at Timberline Lodge on Mt. Hood. He excelled at skiing just like he did diving. I was a decent skier and could hold my own without falling, but Keith could ski backwards with his hands around my waist. As if I wasn't already impressed with him, this was the icing on the cake. I still have the lift ticket on my ski jacket from that day... I could never bring myself to remove it.
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| My lift ticket, still attached to my ski jacket |
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| Keith and I out to dinner... I don't remember if this was Valentine's Day or my birthday. |
I always had fun with Keith, and we also shared a love of music, and had really wonderful, interesting and fun conversations. I remember one time scuba diving from his friend's boat, he was in full gear and did a somersault off the bow of boat. It was all I could do to jump in the "proper" way, but he did a somersault... with all that extra gear on!! I think it was that same trip, I had made a key lime pie to take to his friends as a thank you for taking us out on their boat. When we were walking on the pier to the boat, I was carrying my gear on my back, the pie in one hand and Keith's soda in the other hand. He had his gear plus some of my gear too. I didn't see a rope in front of me where the boat was tied and I tripped. I was not going to lose the pie or Keith's soda, so I held onto the soda and kept the pie in my flat hand. That left me no hands to soften my fall, but somehow I didn't get hurt. I spilled a little bit of soda, but saved it, and the pie slid off my hand, onto the deck and kept going about 4 feet, then stopped. It did not tumble or get ruined in any way. Everyone was amazed at how I saved it all and didn't get hurt and Keith and I would laugh about that for a long time.
Keith was also quite the romantic. One night we were relaxing, having one of our epic, enjoyable conversations about anything and everything and he put on a CD by Mark Knopfler called Golden Heart. It had a Celtic feel to it, and I really liked it. It was nice, mellow background music. As one song started, he stood up in front of me, took my hand, pulled me to stand up, took me in his arms, held me close, and slow-danced with me. I listened to the lyrics and I melted in his arms... if there was any part of me that was not completely and utterly in love with this man, slow-dancing with him to that song put me over the edge and I was full on head over heels in love. Anyone else could have done the same thing and I probably would have pushed them away and walked out, but because Keith and I had such a soul connection (to me anyway), I felt that he and his intentions, and the meaning behind the song and the dance were sincere. It was "Are We in Trouble Now" and to this day, if I dare play that song, I am still touched so deeply and tears well up in my eyes...
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| Keith and I on the Vancouver side of the Columbia River. I-5 bridge in the background. |
At one point, something about having kids came up and I made an off-the-cuff comment that I didn't want kids. I really didn't at that time in my life, because I had a career, but I thought perhaps somewhere down the line maybe I would, I just wasn't sure. But I knew that right then, kids was the farthest thing from my mind. Keith immediately stated that kids were very important to him. After that, things seemed to change. Keith was a bit more distant, then very distant and I didn't hear much from him for a couple weeks. I didn't push anything with him though, I figured if there was a change of heart or something on his mind, he would come talk to me when he had it figured out.
Sure enough, one day I got the call. Keith didn't sound real happy and he let me know he had bad news. He explained that his dad, who had heart trouble and multiple surgeries in the past, was now at the point where he would need a heart transplant. He would need someone to be with him and take care of him as he recovered from surgery, but there weren't any family members that lived close to him in Tucson... so the distance I was feeling was him having lengthy discussions with his brothers and sisters, as well as the Air Force, over what to do. It turned out that the thing that made sense was for Keith to move to Tucson, since he was the only one who didn't have a family or other ties to his life in Gig Harbor. He had talked to the Air Force and while he shouldn't have been up for a transfer for about another year, they pulled strings to get him down to Tucson. They let him know that it was a bad move for his career and while he was there, he would not be able to take any leave. But, Keith knew that he had to be there for his dad, so he went ahead with the decision and the move.
While my head was spinning with the news, it just made me fall in love with Keith even more, seeing his dedication to his dad and picking up his life to "do the right thing". He apologized to me and said when we met he was supposed to be there for about two more years, so he figured that was enough time for us to get to know each other and if we were still together when he got orders to go someplace else, we could see where we were and discuss marriage at that point, so that I could go with him. He said if he had known he would have been leaving sooner, he would not have gotten involved with me. It was okay, because I knew it wasn't a permanent situation and I figured Tucson wasn't that far away, and I could travel down to see him. Then, I got the next big news. The morning after our conversation, I received a call from my old boss in NYC, telling me they are getting busy and they could use my help. He asked me when I was moving back home. After the conversation with Keith the night before, I didn't feel a strong need to stay in Washington, I was missing my family, and I figured I could fly out to visit him from New Jersey just as easily as I could from Washington. Also, I remembered Keith saying a couple of times that he had been told his next move would probably be to DC and the Pentagon... so with that in mind, I thought moving back to NJ would put me closer to Keith when his dad didn't need him in Tucson any longer.
I called Keith that night and let him know about the phone call and that I decided to make the move back to NJ. He didn't really understand and wasn't very happy, especially since I put myself on the fast track to get there. I don't remember my timing exactly, but I think I would be leaving WA in a month or less, and he would still be there. I think he was hoping I would stay at least until he was gone. I'm not sure why I was in such a hurry, but I think it had more to do with just needing to feel in control of something. In my mind, my whole world was falling apart... the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life was leaving and I felt like I needed to do something to keep it together... somehow moving to NJ seemed like it would accomplish that... go figure.
I put the Nighthawk up for sale and sold it to a couple. The wife was going to be learning to ride and this would be her first bike. I thought that was fitting, going form one lady to another. I gave notice at my apartment that I would be vacating, contacted moving companies and made arrangements to move. I had mixed feelings the entire time because I felt that I had finally tasted the "freedom of the west" and had learned to ride my own motorcycle, and now I was giving up the motorcycle and going back to the prison of the work/commute daily grind in NJ. But, I had made my decision and had to go through with it.
For the last year I had been working for a local company doing software consulting so I was home all the time and not traveling out of state any more. They had some clients in Bend, OR and every now and then someone would travel out there to visit clients. Since I would be driving back to NJ, they asked if, as my last assignment, I would spend a few days in Bend, helping clients that needed help. So that meant I would leave Vancouver even sooner. I let Keith know and he said he would be driving down to Tucson before I left Vancouver, and he would be driving back home while I was in Bend... so we might get to see each other once more that way... and we did. On his way back from Tucson, he came to the client where I was working and when I was finished, we went out for dinner, and we enjoyed our time together. I don't remember if he left the next morning or stayed longer, but I know I was happy to have that time with him.
When it was time for me to leave Bend, I did so with very mixed feelings. I was excited to be going back to my family, friends and the life I missed in NJ, but I was also very sad about leaving the west. I found a notebook that I wrote my adventures driving home in, and I wrote that somehow I knew I would be back west again, but for now I needed to leave.
My next entry will be about my drive cross-country from Bend, OR to Jackson, NJ.... as journaled in my notebook each day at the end of the day...
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